Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
