Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
