All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
