don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
