Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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