I want to have your abortion
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
