Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we made out on top of his cat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
