I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
