So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
