GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
