Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
