And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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