why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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