There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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