I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
