I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
