Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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