Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
