he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
