you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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