I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
