Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
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drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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