I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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