Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
