she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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