I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
