If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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