you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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