I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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