I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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