I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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