so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
