Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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