I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize