You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
