I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
