I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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