why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
