You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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