I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
