I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
