But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it was like eating out sand paper
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
