Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
