I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
