when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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