Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How naked do you want me to be?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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