They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
