Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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