put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
