Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
