Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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