she was so not down for the gang bang
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
