I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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