i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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