I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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