I queefed so loud it echoed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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