I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
