he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
