the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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