How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
