Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had to cum in my sink.
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