I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
