you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
